| My Pop Pop's wake |
My grandfather's wake was today, and the last person's wake I was at was my mom's uncle's wake back in 2003, so I didn't remember anything of what went on. I was great at keeping my composure until I got to the funeral parlor, and even then I was okay for a few minutes. My grandfather looked so young. :( He seriously did... He looked thinner than he really was, which I guess is from everything being done during the process after death? I've never seen him like that before. My mom said he really looked like himself, but I didn't think he did. He looked so young!! My grandfather was 85 and he definitely didn't look that old. Maybe it was just the fact that I never saw him when he wasn't animated, happy, moving around, dancing around, etc... It was just strange. When I went to kneel by the casket with my mom I lost it and started bawling. My mom hadn't seen me cry over him yet and I guess she assumed I really didn't. Well, I didn't. Maybe once or twice in my room but I had never bawled. It just hit me that my Pop Pop was actually gone. It doesn't seem real. I can still hear his voice loud and clear, I can still see him smiling and happy and always out and about. I just really can't believe he's gone. It's so unreal to me. :( I was never too close to my Pop Pop, but I still loved him like crazy. He could always make you smile and laugh. He was never sad!! I still love him so much and I always will. So many people came tonight and all they ever said was how weird it is to see him like that when he used to be so animated. I didn't realize how many people actually knew him, but he was popular in our small town.
Today was the first time in 22 years that I've seen my grandmother cry. She did just for a few minutes, but she cried. It was odd and uncomfortable. This has been the reserved woman who never showed emotion. She is always very proper ...But she cried. Everyone did. It was just an emotionally draining day. Tomorrow is the funeral, and we have to be at the funeral parlor tomorrow morning for them to close the casket. Honestly, I don't know if I can be there. I don't know if I want to be there. I don't want to start bawling again. I just can't. That was so much for me this afternoon. Even though I didn't know him that well, it's still so hard to say good bye to my Pop Pop. (And my daughter is going to be there...I can't cry in front of my little girl.) I don't want my little girl to see her momma sad. :( *Sigh*
I just don't know what else to write because I'm so down, right now. I just want to sleep and sleep through tomorrow. |
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My name is Krissie or Jessie. Call me whatever you want to! My friends do. :) I'm 22 years old and I live near NYC. I'm a mommy and have one on the way on Christmas Day! I'm a work at home customer service agent, and I make my own jewelry for profit as well. I'm a certified tax professional for H&R Block, though I am not working there at the moment. I love computers, art, cell phones, purses, getting my nails done, going to concerts, hanging out with my friends, going to NYC, I LOVE th Broadway musical Rent. (Obsessed!) I'm just a fun person. :)
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Brushes by Gvalkyrie
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posted by Mom to Princesses at 
