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I'm getting to the stage where I don't want to move. LOL I just want to stay in bed all day and do nothing, but I know I have to keep active while I can. I have so much to do and hardly any time to do it in. My baby shower is next weekend, Olivia's furniture is coming in a few days, her room isn't wallpapered and the ceiling still isn't finished being painted, We have no couch, no new carpeting. I know we should have gotten the couch we saw the other day, but my mom was so convinced that it wasn't cheap enough. I'm not going to find a super cheap couch! I wish my mom would understand that. She just doesn't want me to spend too much on a couch when two kids will be crawling on it. I just want the house finished. It looks like a tornado went through it, right now, and I want to live somewhere pretty. lol Bad enough I have to live upstairs. Grr.
Monday I have to miss my class because the clinic called today and told me that I need to have a repeat Glucose Tolerance Test (3hr) on Monday morning. When my class was. There was no way that I would have been able to reschedule; I tried. I just hope I can do that one successfully and not get sick like I did with the first 3 hour.
I'm getting a bad headache and I think I'm going to lay down for a while. Alayna is taking a nap and maybe I can at the same time. :)
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| HAPPY BIRTHDAY ALAYNA DANIELLE! |
HAPPY BIRTHDAY ALAYNA!
:( My little princess is 2 years old today. It's so hard to believe that two years already passed!! It really doesn't seem like it. She's getting so big and she's so excited about turning two and her "big girl" party tomorrow. (Sat.) She will officially turn 2 at 8:07 am. :)
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| How much fun. lol |
The room is getting somewhere. We have almost two walls all wallpapered and ready for the border. Just two more walls to go. I wanted to do more tonight, but my mom was exhausted and rightfully so. Tomorrow afternoon we're going to finish it, I hope! I'd love to have the walls and ceiling completely done by this weekend so after that we can work on transitioning Alayna to a toddler bed and putting the crib up for Olivia. We also need all new furniture in her room. After the girls' room is done we have to re-carpet the entire living room and front hallway/stairs as well as get new furniture for the living room. The rug my grandmother had up here is over 40 years old and the ugliest green color you could ever imagine. I don't want my daughters walking around on a rug like that. It's not even soft anymore. :( The furniture we had to throw out because it was so old and we can't get our furniture upstairs because I am allergic to the cat hair that's on it. So we have to get a new couch and keep the cat off of it. How? I don't know. All we need is a sofa because we're keeping the piano. We're keeping the piano against my better judgement, but my mom says that pianos cost so much now a days that if Alayna or Olivia wanted to learn how to play the piano, we'd be shelling out a crazy amount of money for that. She's probably right. I just wish we had somewhere else to put it other than right in the middle of the very small living room. :(
We also need a new dining room table and I need to get this huge furniture out of my room because it overpowers the size of it. It fit better in my old bedroom downstairs, but this room is a little smaller because the shape is different. I really had more room downstairs and I hate this room. lol Why did I want to live up here so badly? I guess because it was just easier for my grandmother since she's bedridden and has to get to the doctors every other week. *sigh*
T his all has to be done before October 20th. LOL! My mom wants to have people over after my baby shower, which I don't think is possible at the rate we're going. I doubt we'll be done with the whole house by then. I moved up here last year and I still am living out of boxes. It's actually very terrible.
Tomorrow morning is my 3D ultrasound. I'm very excited and thankful that I got this as a gift, because I couldn't afford it on my own. I'm trying to save my money for things I need for the girls', and I wouldn't do this if I wasn't given it as a gift. :) I'm so hyped to see the basic idea of what Olivia is going to look like. Alayna's 3D ultrasound was amazing when I went two years ago. This time, I'm going to a different place with much better equiptment, hopefully Olivia is in the right position so we can get good pictures! Alayna is very excited about going tomorrow and seeing her baby sister.
Ugh. So much has to be done in this next week. Alayna's 2nd birthday party is on Saturdaty the 6th, and I have so much to do yet! I have to put the goodie bags together, get the final count of how many kids are going and how many adults are going I still have to go birthday shopping for her and I'm going to start my Christmas shopping soon. Who knows when Olivia will be born since she's due on Christmas, so Iw ant to have Alayna's presents bought and wrapped by mid November. Or maybe even before. I want to be prepared for the worst case scenario! Alayna was 5 weeks early, so I have to take into consideration that I am at risk for another early baby. So far, besides my failed Glucose Tolerance Test, everything is going well and I don't forsee any problems.
I really should get to sleep since I have to be up early to take my car into the shop. My mom swears that my breaks are bad, even though I know they aren't. I just got new breaks in JUNE. They can't be bad yet. She's so paranoid, but I'm taking my car in to make her happy. lol
Labels: baby shower, birthday party, house, pregnancy |
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| Just another day. |
I haven't written in a good while, but I've had nothing to really say. My body has been going through so many mood swings and hormonal outbursts, that it wasn't really anything too interesting to say unless I complained alot. No one wants to hear that much complaining. The amount of complaining that I do here anyway, is enough!
Well, I actually started on the girls' room. My mom and I went shopping at Lowes, the other day, to see if we could get the flat "paintable" wallpaper. Apparently, it's discontinued. Thankfully, we only put up one panel of it to see how it would stay. (Since it was a year old) The only other paintable wallpaper they had, was that with lines on it. Lines would be very difficult to do since the house is on a slant. We ended up getting a faux pink/purple paper that we put up four panels of and love. The Tinkerbelle theme would go perfect. I may still do some painting on the wallpaper, but I can't do another mural like I did downstairs. That was too nervewracking and definitely too time consuming and difficult for a pregnant person to do. I don't know how I did it the last time! This pregnancy I definitely don't have enough patience to do something like that. I'm hoping the girls' room will be done before the baby shower on October 20th.
Verizon is the devil, in my opinion. I found out, the other day, that they had disconnected my DSL service. When I asked why, they said they didn't mean to. Yeah, didn't mean to. I have my class on October 8th, and it better be on by then. They had said that it would be on by October 1st. One can only pray! If I miss that class on the 8th, I lose the $100 investment. That is going to get me very mad. So, now, I'm on dial up on a borrowed laptop. One which is falling apart at the seams and gets constant errors about "memory being full". How sweet. lol I did decide to get NetZero. AOL wanted to charge extra for dial up connectivity on my account. I hardly use AOL as it is. I'm not going to go paying extra to use dial up. Netzero is only $9.95.
Nothing much else is going on. Thursday is my 3D ultrasound and Monday is my doctor's appointment. In between that, I have to go and get my 3 hour glucose tolerance test. I failed my 1 hour. From now until when the baby is born, I have a feeling things are going to be busy. If I remember right, after this appointment I'll start going every two weeks. Unless they changed the rules. And if I'm already on watch for gestational diabetes, I really that they would want to monitor me more closely. We'll see when I go on Monday. :)
Time for me to get some sleep!
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| Almost ready to start my job! |
I received an e-mail from my accountant that my LLC has been filed with the state of NJ. I received my Employer Identification Number (EIN) by e-mail and signed my agreement with Arise Inc. My training is almost over, I passed my two exams, and now I'll be able to work with Apple Computers and Walgreens 24 hr service within the next two weeks!! I start Apple training on September 19th and Walgreens training after that. Anything that I can make is something, especially since I haven't gotten child support in two weeks.
I also signed on to be an Avon & Mark Rep. I'll see what I can do. I know I can't make any big money with Avon/Mark, but pocket change is great. Just something to add to the girls' savings account. I've been saving in Alayna's since I was pregnant with her. I'm trying to save for Olivia's as well.
Alayna's birthday party has been booked for October 6th! We're having it at the Chelsea Playground in Staten Island. It's an indoor playground/playplace with dress up, etc... She loves the place and I think it's going to be successful!! Sending out invitations tomorrow morning! We also found a place for my baby shower. The Armory Inn in Staten Island. I'm going there tomorrow to book that place and then sending the invitations out as soon as I can. I'm going to be 25 weeks soon, so I really need to hurry. Alayna was born at 35 weeks, and my OB believes that I'll probably have Olivia early. Baby shower is October 20th.
I'm going to go stuff my face with Chinese food, now. I have hardly eaten all day! I was doing training this morning, so I didn't even eat breakfast until 1pm. LOL! :) I'm just so glad I'll be making some money, again. This pregnancy has been hard because I couldn't work.
Edit: lol!! I forgot...I'm so mad!! The iPhone is now $400. I paid way too much for it! My friend e-mailed me and just told me that the $100 reimbursement they're giving is just a gift card/credit to the Apple or Cingular store. I thought I could get a check or something. (So did he, apparently. lol) Ugh. Stupid Steve Jobs.
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| My Pop Pop's wake |
My grandfather's wake was today, and the last person's wake I was at was my mom's uncle's wake back in 2003, so I didn't remember anything of what went on. I was great at keeping my composure until I got to the funeral parlor, and even then I was okay for a few minutes. My grandfather looked so young. :( He seriously did... He looked thinner than he really was, which I guess is from everything being done during the process after death? I've never seen him like that before. My mom said he really looked like himself, but I didn't think he did. He looked so young!! My grandfather was 85 and he definitely didn't look that old. Maybe it was just the fact that I never saw him when he wasn't animated, happy, moving around, dancing around, etc... It was just strange. When I went to kneel by the casket with my mom I lost it and started bawling. My mom hadn't seen me cry over him yet and I guess she assumed I really didn't. Well, I didn't. Maybe once or twice in my room but I had never bawled. It just hit me that my Pop Pop was actually gone. It doesn't seem real. I can still hear his voice loud and clear, I can still see him smiling and happy and always out and about. I just really can't believe he's gone. It's so unreal to me. :( I was never too close to my Pop Pop, but I still loved him like crazy. He could always make you smile and laugh. He was never sad!! I still love him so much and I always will. So many people came tonight and all they ever said was how weird it is to see him like that when he used to be so animated. I didn't realize how many people actually knew him, but he was popular in our small town.
Today was the first time in 22 years that I've seen my grandmother cry. She did just for a few minutes, but she cried. It was odd and uncomfortable. This has been the reserved woman who never showed emotion. She is always very proper ...But she cried. Everyone did. It was just an emotionally draining day. Tomorrow is the funeral, and we have to be at the funeral parlor tomorrow morning for them to close the casket. Honestly, I don't know if I can be there. I don't know if I want to be there. I don't want to start bawling again. I just can't. That was so much for me this afternoon. Even though I didn't know him that well, it's still so hard to say good bye to my Pop Pop. (And my daughter is going to be there...I can't cry in front of my little girl.) I don't want my little girl to see her momma sad. :( *Sigh*
I just don't know what else to write because I'm so down, right now. I just want to sleep and sleep through tomorrow. |
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| Everything was going so well... |
I just posted in my last post about how well my grandfather was doing, but everything went down hill. Thursday (August 30th) I had my anatomy scan, so I had to drive 45 minutes to the hospital. I know how it is to bring Alayna with me when I know I'm going to have to wait at the hospital, so I decided to ask my grandmother to watch her for me. She had absolutely no problem with it, and never does! I dropped Alayna off at around 12:00 and headed for the hospital. (The ultrasound went amazingly, but I'll post about that in a second...) We stopped for McDonalds before we headed home because no one had eaten all day and headed home afterwards. We were on 280 when my uncle's phone rings. My (maternal) grandfather called to tell us that my (paternal) grandfather was rushed to the hospital. My (paternal) grandmother stayed home with my daughter until we'd get there. They said he was fine and just needed to be checked out.
Of course there was some traffic by the parkway entrance, so we got there a little while later and I got my daughter set to go and we waited in the car for my (paternal) grandmother to come to the car. We were to drive her to the hospital so she could be with my grandpa.
I drop them off and head home with Alayna, and as I'm putting dinner on the table my uncle runs upstairs with the phone. He said I had to drive him to the hospital. I didn't know what was the big hurry and why he was so frantic, but he said that he had to get his oils (He's a priest) to go annoint my grandfather last rights. Now, that scared me!! They just said he was fine earlier!! I HAD SEEN HIM THAT MORNING FOR GOD'S SAKES!! So I get Alayna, run downstairs and have my (maternal) grandparents watch her while I go drive my uncle to the hospital.
Finally get to the hospital and my mom is outside crying her freaking eyes out. She told us that the doctor said he only had a day or so to live and we had to get in there. I'm not good with emotion, I don't cry in front of people, I hold everything in and do it myself at a later time, so I didn't really know what to do or say. He looked so helpless on the oxygen with tubes everywhere! The nurse explained to us that it wasn't life support he was on, just oxygen for assisted breathing. He could still breathe on his own, but that it wouldn't be long. He was conscious. His eyes were partially open and he moved in response to anything you said to him. He knew I was there and I guess that was a good thing. I don't know. The nurse had told us that he shot a clot. It was so sudden. I had seen him that morning and he was joking around and perfectly fine. I would never have believed that he was so lively that morning and that night dying!!!
My mom sent me home to go be with Alayna and said she'd call me because it would be a while. So I drove around for a bit first before going home and making dinner for my (maternal) grandparents and my daughter. Right after serving dinner my mom calls hysterically crying that my grandfather had passed away. I didn't know what to do or say or think. I've NEVER gotten a phone call like that before in my life. I coudn't cry, it was strange. It felt like my mom never said that. I just didn't know what to do. My dad died when I was so young that I don't remember anything, so I didn't know how to handle something like this.
I still don't know how to handle it. My grandmother is handling it well, but she never shows emotion. When my dad (her son) died 20 years ago, my mom said that she never shed a tear. All she did was criticize my mom about every little thing. I guess that was her way of handling it. She looked sad, her eyes showed extreme sadness, but she didn't cry. My mom took it bad. She cried half the night last night, blaming God for everything. My mom is very close to her in-laws and would do anything for them. She has done anything for them!
Life is so unpredictable. You could be here one minute and gone the next, and my grandfather proved that. Thursday morning he had his camera out, telling me to take pictures of Alayna while she was playing. My grandfather loved Alayna so much. I had taken two and then gave him the camera back telling him that I'd take more pictures when I got home from the doctors. I remember Thursday morning so clearly and I remember the look of happiness on his face when my daughter walked in. She actually said, "Hi pop pop!" to him before running in the living room and he was so happy to hear her say that. My grandfather was a big and intimidating looking man, to a child. I was intimidated by him when I was a baby and my daughter partially is, but she loves her Pop Pop.
Last night I wasn't feeling anything, but tonight I am. I feel terrible that I told him I'd take more pictures when I got home, because I never got the chance to and I never will get the chance to. My grandfather loved taking pictures and had a whole box full of my daughter. I regret that when I was there last weekend that I didn't take any pictures of my daughter with my grandfather. I was planning on it and it just slipped my mind. I regret not saying more to him when I was at the hospital Thursday night. As I said, I'm not good at that stuff. I just said, "I'll see you later, Pop Pop. Get better." I didn't even tell him that I loved him. I was never that close to him, he always had that distance from me for some reason, but I loved him anyway. He helped me pay for my college, he helped me with so much.
I don't know how I'm going to make it through his wake. I'm just sitting here crying writing this. Yesterday I couldn't cry and now I can't stop. Ugh. I'm just thinking about what an amazing grandfather he was to Alayna and how he'll never get to see Olivia. Alayna probably won't remember him... Olivia won't know him...
I do know that my grandfather is with my father now. He's not alone. He waited 20 years to be back with my father. My grandfather lived a great life and I know he's at peace, now. I know they will both be there with me in spirit when I have Olivia and they'll help me along I just miss my grandpa.
Today I went to my grandma's house because Alayna wanted to see her, and it was so empty. His room was just there. My grandfather is usually always sitting at the table reading or in his room, but always came out when I came there. He had a loud voice that there was never quiet in that house. When I went there today it was just still. So quiet and so scary. I've never seen that house that quiet.
I could go on and on, but I'm just gonna stop now. I don't want to ramble. I should get to bed. It's 3 am.
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My name is Krissie or Jessie. Call me whatever you want to! My friends do. :) I'm 22 years old and I live near NYC. I'm a mommy and have one on the way on Christmas Day! I'm a work at home customer service agent, and I make my own jewelry for profit as well. I'm a certified tax professional for H&R Block, though I am not working there at the moment. I love computers, art, cell phones, purses, getting my nails done, going to concerts, hanging out with my friends, going to NYC, I LOVE th Broadway musical Rent. (Obsessed!) I'm just a fun person. :)
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Brushes by Gvalkyrie
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posted by Mom to Princesses at 
